Why Judging Yourself or Your Child Sabotages Growth—Shift to Describing and Appreciating

You sit with your child at the kitchen table, looking over a somewhat messy sheet of handwriting homework. Your first reaction is to say, ‘That looks sloppy,’ but you catch yourself. After a pause, you scan the work and spot the neatest ‘P’ you’ve ever seen your child write. You point it out, saying, ‘I like how carefully you made this letter.’ They give a shy smile and go back to their work with fresh energy.

Later, scrolling through social media, you notice your tendency to compare yourself to ‘good’ and ‘bad’ parents—those with perfectly packed lunches or kids in prizes. You feel the same judging voice rise, dismissing your efforts. Instead, you try something new: you jot down, ‘Showed up on time, listened without scrolling my phone, hugged everyone before bed.’ It feels odd, but less heavy. By the end of the week, these moments of non-judgment crowd out the urge to box yourself—or your child—into 'good' or 'bad.'

Psychologists warn that labeling creates fixed mindsets, stunts risk-taking, and leaves kids (and adults) afraid to ‘fall’ from grace. Naming and describing helps nurture curiosity and growth—the open soil where confidence takes root.

Next time you feel tempted to call yourself or someone else ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in any area, pause and find something concrete to describe or appreciate about the process. Catch your child showing effort and tell them what you notice; tell yourself what small victory you had today. If you slip, simply notice it and move on, returning to specifics. Bit by bit, you’ll see rigid labels loosen their grip, replaced by real encouragement and motivation. See what changes when you try it this week.